HE did it!!

As I sit in the car line waiting for his last day to be over, his last exam for 9th grade, I see him RUNNING OUT!  That smile.  That huge sigh of relief on his face!  He collapses in the back seat.  He did it!  He made it through one of his toughest years of school yet.  I mean, those other years haven't been easy but this year, it has been hell!  

I've been spending the last few days reflecting.  Somewhat depressed about how much we haven't accomplished.  How much more we could have done.  I'm the type of mom who really stays on top of things throughout the year.  Communicating with teachers, working on homework, studying.  I'm not striving for perfection by any means but I want to get the most out of his year, academically and socially.  

Then I snap back to reality.... HE (we) accomplished so much!  We went into the unknown, the first year of a new school, bigger responsibilities , bigger challenges, more accountability for his work and actions.  HE did it!  He took this school year and all of it's crazy challenges, the up and down emotional roller coasters and SMASHED IT.  

I cannot even begin to describe the love and pride that beams from my face and my heart.  I'm honored to be his mother.  This kid is amazing!!  If he has taught me anything it is to look at the good and bad in a situation.  To see what really matters!

"I will conquer the world!!"

                                                           YES YOU WILL!


P.S.  A shout out to my fellow Autism parents for helping me survive this school year.  For listening to me whine and always being there for support.  You know who you are!  

8 days!

In 8 days school will end.  This will be the end of our 1st high school year.  I'm relieved yet scared in many ways.  This year has been rough.  In more ways than one.  Socially he has made such huge progress.  He's stepped outside of his comfort zone.  Summer typically brings a more socially withdrawn kid.  No matter how much I have planned, how many fun things we do..  He typically resorts to sitting in front of a device.  This summer will be especially hard.  His friend (also autistic) of 4 years is moving.  We've chatted about it.  He knows it's coming.  Separate post on that later..  

He left me a ton of paperwork to filter through this morning.  As I looked over the leftover notebooks he had doodled in, the countless graded papers, I found a folder.  It was a folder they had compiled throughout the year with feelings, things about themselves.  The 1st page was hard to read but expected.

"I do not have a good filter.  I prefer not to have friends in any other classes.  I'm sensitive and prefer others not to talk about me."

There were many many pages.  One thing I noticed throughout, he seemed to gain a bit of confidence.  That last page hit me hard.  My heart swells just seeing and knowing how far he has come this school year.  Yes, it has been hard.  I know it will only get harder.  Academically, socially, physically.  Difficult, depressing.  He strives to find his place.  Some days he really doesn't care to find that place.  But that last page................

Don't judge somebody, unite with them, become a friend.

Transistions are hard!

This school year has been hard.  Like, really hard.  His first year in high school.  The transition was hard for him.  Bigger school, new routines, greater responsibilities.  It started out rocky.  We survived the midway point. We're finishing off rocky.  He's grown so much advocating for himself.  He's grown socially.  Academically he has struggled.  It's hard to watch.  Falling on that downward slope, spiraling out of control.  The tools are there, he refuses to use them.  I often wonder if he will stop living day to day.  If he will ever see the bigger picture.  He's 15 after all.  The realization hits you like a ton of bricks.  I just keep telling myself, keep pushing him.  Keep encouraging and guiding.  No matter what, keep on keepin on. 

This morning on the way to school, our conversation was about senior projects.  They went to see a few yesterday that were set up.  One was on Autism.  A boy within his program is graduating this year.  He has Autism.  

He said-  You know, I want to graduate too.  I wonder what I'll do my senior project on?  

There you have it..  It is in the back of his mind.  I'm sure it was always there.  

He has grown so much.   

Keep on keepin on. 

A little goes a long way!

I'm talking positivity.  I'm typically the positive one around here.  I put on that brave face and get us all where we need to go, get things accomplished, give those positive talks on the way to school each morning. 

YOU can do it, I say.  Look at yourself in the mirror.  Say it, I CAN do it!  *fist in the air*

Some days are harder than others.  This past week, I have felt a bit defeated.  Defeated and somewhat deflated.  So many things going in my personal life.  So many things going on at school.  DEFEATED!  Life gets stressful sometimes.  We get caught up in just trying to accomplish everything for everyone.  I would give anything for a boring day again.  Which by the way, IF I ever utter those words again, someone slap me..  <I'm bored>  NEVER AGAIN!

When I least expected it, my kids gave ME the positivity speech.  You know when you don't think they are listening but they really ARE listening.  

Some days I'm so positive, I make myself sick. ..  But someone has to do it, right?!!

Here's to positivity!  HIP HIP HOORAY!!  

This is about you.....

Hey you.... yes YOU.  I know life is stressful.  Really busy and stressful!  It is time to slow down, take time for yourself.  Do something!  Read a book, take a walk.  Whatever it is, do it for you. We get so caught up in taking care of our kids, making their appointments, fighting with the insurance company, taking them to and from, making sure their needs are met, cutting soo much crust from bread, SO much.  You get my drift.  S L O W down! 

For me.. I love painting.  Not on canvas but furniture.  I love getting in that zone.  Taking something really ugly and transforming it into something beautiful.  Sanding and painting is my thing. 

So, go ahead.. pencil yourself in for something fun.  Something for JUST you!  Do it!!  

My $5 garage sale find!! 

                                                           

Little ladybug

Now that the weather is warmer, we spend a good bit of our time wandering around in the backyard.  Every spring and summer the kids have always searched for ladybugs.  It has been their thing as long as I can remember.  Such an abundance of ladybugs we have.  As they are getting older, it seems the ladybug searching days are coming to an end. 

As we sit on the patio, the sun radiating upon our skin, searching for ladybugs seems to be an afterthought. 

Before our eyes, a little ladybug lands.  He glares at it with such delight.  As a toddler, he would laugh and laugh, letting it run up and down his arm.  He would catch them and not too long after,  release it back into the wind.  Now, as a teenager he is a more amazed at how things live, breathe, work.   He has such compassion, appreciation and love for the small things in life. 

As I sit and watch, taking it all in.. Memories of that giggly little toddler flashes before me.  I now see this smart, intelligent boy.  Glaring with such curious delight.  Letting the little ladybug dance upon his hand. 

Not every day will be great.  You will struggle.  You will feel alone.  You will feel lost.  Lost in this big world.

But always know, I'll be here when you come my way.  I'll always show you compassion, appreciation and love.  When you are ready.... I'll release you back into the wind. 

Ladybug symbolism:  Good luck, blessings and dreams. 

Birds of a Feather..

They say... Birds of a feather flock together.                 

What is Friendship? 
 
According to Wikipedia-  Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people.  Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association.

Although there are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each others company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.

I would say that the almighty Wikipedia nailed it!  Over the past 2 or 3 years, I desperately needed to find a place where people understood our life.  The Autism life.  A place where parents were going through the same struggles as we were.  I settled into a few online groups and have really made deeper connections, than I had ever thought possible.  I've grown as a person and as a parent.  So many years ago, I started with a feeling of being completely lost and alone but that soon blossomed into friendships.  Friendships with other parents who had those same feelings at one time.  I have many friends who live all over the world.  Wonderful friends who blog, friends I've met in those online support groups.  Groups I'm proud to be part of, my sanctuary most days.  Although, we have never "met" in person, we talk on a daily basis.  I can share my triumphs, my sadness, my frustrations, seek advice and give some too.  All of this free from judgement. 

This is what true friendship means to me.  Being there through thick and thin.  Shedding a few tears along the way, giving encouragement, advice and always cheering each other on when we most need it.  I don't freely open my heart to people nor do I take friendships lightly.  Some would say, I have set the bar high.   

My people, my flock, my friends. They hold a special place in my heart. 

                                                   Birds of a feather....  

Flock together.