Best Friends

This is the last week.  The last week he will see his best friend of almost 4 years.  Thinking about this is hard.  Writing about it harder.

So many years he has been socially withdrawn.  Grasping for friendship.  He found a few and latched onto them only to be thrown to the side because of his quirky, fun loving behavior.  Kids can be cruel.  It hurts to see your child try so hard only to be let down time and time again. 

In 6th grade, the first year of middle school, he had his first real year of moving and doing things a bit on his own.  Middle school brings a little more responsibility.  He was diagnosed in 5th grade with ASD and that was all a blur but middle school was a fresh start.  A fresh scary start.

He would go to social skills class with a group of maybe 20 other kids on the spectrum.  Over the school year he developed a friendship.  A friendship that would later blossom into something beautiful.  Both of these guys have come so far.  I've watched them struggle but lean on each other.  This friend has come over every weekend, every other weekend. He is part of our family.  I've learned his quirks, dislikes, likes.  Really, they are like a mirror image of one another.  Twins separated at birth.

In a few short days he will move.  As the day approaches, I feel a sadness creeping in.  This school year is going to be different.  His friend will not be waiting outside every morning.  They will never be able to walk up to school together, give each other a high-five or find a secluded place in the hall to talk.  That physical, face to face, friendship will not be there anymore.  I'm truly scared to see the downward spiral that is to come. 

In the back of my mind, I've always thought they would walk down that aisle to get their diploma.  I just wanted to get him successfully through high school with his friend by his side. 

Here we go on the roller coaster of life.  ..  Again.  Depression, fear, anxiety. 

I'm that Mom!

I'm that Mom who schedules a summer full of appointments.  Most families are scheduling vacations and fun things to do but I'm sitting here looking over our appointments scheduled for the next few weeks. Dentist, therapy, PT.  We still do those other things but when you can work both in, I think that is really getting the most of our summer.

Months ago, we found out about the mild Scoliosis.  He is growing rapidly.  Officially 6' tall.  I'm 5'6 so you can imagine how that plays out!  So, our first visit to the physical therapist was fun.  A referral from our pediatrician.  I really didn't know what to expect.  She went from speaking harshly to him, trying to ask questions, waited for him to respond and seemed to be losing her patience.  I immediately stepped in.  It is hard to watch your 6' tall, 15 year old teenager stand and look lost.  You see the frustration building on his face when he can't find the words.  Just a simple question sends his anxiety into overdrive.  You think those times would get a bit easier since, well, we aren't new to this.  I'm telling you, it hurts, so deeply.  The older he gets, the harder it gets.  Anxiety is a horrible thing.  Then he immediately starts to stim.  You know it is time to pull the cord!

Yep, I'm that Mom who looks a professional in the eye and says, "Can we step into the hallway?"  After a little chat, she seemed to change her tone.  She immediately went back in and started over.  She mentioned working with other kids who also had Autism.  Asked him about things which may bother him.  Loud noises, certain sounds, lights, touch, etc.  It may work out after all.  Fingers crossed!

I still have that achy feeling in my heart, that moment when I'm holding back the tears, trying to let him do this.  Let him answer questions.  I just want to help him, make life easier for him.  But that isn't helping him is it?  He has to do this, doesn't he?  In a few years, he will be considered an adult.  What will we do?  The unknown kills me.  I'm a scheduler, the planner, the go to person for him.

We will face that when the times comes.  For now, we will keep doing what we do best, take one day at a time. 

*Side note:  We met a fellow Autism parent last week.  I've known this Dad for a over 2 years now.  I spent time prepping J for our visit.  He is always nervous when meeting new people.  After mentioning that this Dad knows Autism, no matter what he did or said, this person wouldn't judge him.  The visit went great.  J was relaxed and talked computer.*  Small victory!